Riley's Big Sister

I’d like to introduce you to Riley’s Big Sister...

Yes, that’s ME! (Confused? Do read on for a bit of clarity and so you can share in my elation...)

Not only was today Roger’s birthday it was also the day that Riley has long anticipated. Today was the end of his two year stint with braces.

While both of those events are exciting I found them overshadowed by my own chance encounter today.

As we prepared to leave the orthodontist office for good, after many, many trips across town for checkups, loose brackets, more rubber bands, etc., the entire orthodontist team all came out to congratulate Riley on his successful completion of orthodontia. After hugs and well wishes they had one final question.

“So…” the receptionist slyly muttered. “We just have to know… to ease our minds around here and put our questioning bets to rest… are you Riley’s sister?”

You can only imagine my delight as I proudly announced that I actually gave birth to this boy 14 ½ years ago.

They were confused. All bets were off. A late team member arrived at the end of this conversation (while I laughed and the rest of the team gawked) and asked, “So, what’s the verdict”.

They didn’t believe me proclaiming that I must have had him when I was 12. “I simply did not look even close to old enough to possibly be this teenager’s mother”.

I think I will miss that orthodontist office after all!

As thrilled as I was to hear those sentiments today Roger was just as equally disturbed. Does that mean he looks old enough to have a daughter my age???

But back to the real event of the day…

Can you believe this adorable boy with crooked teeth...

(He appears to be perturbed at the prospect of getting braces)turned into this young man with straight, sparkling pearly whites?

(And delighted to finally be rid of them!)

He’s so lucky to have such a great big sister (if I must say so myself!).

The Past and the Future Come Together in the Present

I awake to the sweet smell of a baby tightly embracing me in a bear hug and an excited 5 year old anticipating what this day’s activities will entail; I arouse a sleepy teenager who wants nothing more than a few more hours of sleep.

Diaper changes, temper tantrums, new discoveries, emerging vocabulary, and lots of cuddles from my lover boy…

Singing, dancing, pony tails, braids, and barrettes, colorful masterpieces filled with letters and love notes from my girly girl who so desperately wants to read…

Shuttles to and from practices, a schedule full of games, late nights completing homework, orthodontist and dermatologist appointments, a lively house full of friends, a mother/son relationship redefined to as Riley enters high school…

These events define my days.

Each child’s character is unique and their needs all distinct; a full spectrum of emotions, phases, freedoms and nurturing - determined by their respective ages, genders and personalities.

I am incredibly blessed to encounter this diverse spectrum of events each day.

I am privileged to see the past and the future come together in the present.

I am reminded each day that Nico will grow out of his temper tantrums and will all too soon be passing up the cuddles and loves for other entertainment as Riley and I discuss the girls in his life or marvel at the latest XBOX creation together.

I am presently watching my oldest son grow into a young man yet I am constantly reminiscing about my firstborn as a babe as I watch my youngest babe toddle through life.

Hope’s confidence and attitude will serve her well in life but have me terrified of what her teenage years may bring – but I am comforted because Riley is patient with his novice mother as I discover what it’s like to be on the other side of the parent/teenager relationship - so I hope to hone my teenage parenting skills and glean practical tactics that will be applicable with my girl who is in a league all her own.

I convene in the full circle of parenting head on each day... from babies to children and even teenagers. And with each child, each day, I am brought back to their younger years where innocence prevailed and their arrival was surreal; and as I look ahead to what their future may hold and wonder what their dreams may entail, I am continually reminded of the circle of life and prompted to enjoy the present - for all too soon I will find my self with an empty nest.

Hotel Days with My Honey

Sometimes Roger and I will meet for a spontaneous lunch date during the week. We enjoy the reprieve from political nuances and difficult coworkers - our tension fades as we lose sight of our work day woes and find delight in our time alone. Every once in a while we are so enthralled in this bliss that we find ourselves ditching our afternoon of work and opting to spend some quiet time together in the comforts of a luxurious hotel. As the idyllic afternoon turns to evening we find ourselves missing our children so we pick them up from school and, to their utter delight, announce that we’re going to a hotel where we can spend the entire evening swimming in the pool and watching cable TV. A quick trip home to feed the dog and pick up swim suits and we are off on a mini vacation that started out with just us – an uninhibited young couple – to a family of 5 relishing in the simple delights of life.

We celebrated Roger’s 38th birthday with a slight twist on our hotel days. With our beloved friend and babysitter primed for a sleepover we stayed in a luxury hotel downtown – without the children. We shopped, enjoyed drinks and appetizers, dined at one of our favorite restaurants, and tapped off the evening in the hotel lounge discussing our life, sharing our dreams, and loving our life together… ultimately concluding our vacation with the champagne brunch at the Benson Hotel.

Does life get any better than this? These are moments I want to remember forever… the moments where we take time out of our busy lives to enjoy each other and focus on our relationship… the moments where I remember why I married this wonderful man… the moments where I fall madly in love all over again… the blissful moments that can so easily get lost in the mundane reality of life’s responsibilities… the moments that could so easily be lost after 16 years together. These are just a few of the special moments that remind me of our commitment to each other and I am intensely fascinated by Roger’s willingness to invest in us. These moments are part of our reality and I am deeply, passionately in love with my husband.

I love you Roger – Happy 38th Birthday!

The Downpour Before the Sun

In all honesty the events leading up to Hope’s recital found me feeling dreadfully frazzled.

I worked from home on Friday in hopes of completing my work in a timely manner and, minus the commute, I could promptly turn my attention to preparing Hope for her recital. My vision of a smooth transition from work to childcare went south quite quickly. Seriously, who can truly work from home when children are present? It’s Murphy’s Law… as soon as I’d get immersed in a spreadsheet or on a conference call my kids start violently fighting or decimating something valuable. I got very little work done but it eventually came time for me to switch gears and focus on recital preparations. Hope’s superstar attitude kicked into full gear (seriously, this is just preschool dance – no need to treat me like your personal assistance who does it all wrong) and we battled it out until we both ended up in tears. I spent a fair portion of the afternoon dabbing her eyes with a cold wet cloth to erase the tear stained redness. When we were finally all loaded into the car we spent 2 hours in the pouring rain and horrible traffic making our way (albeit slowly) to Auntie Sarah’s to drop off Nico. I sent multiple text messages complaining to Sarah so someone else could wallow in my pity right along side me. I was panicking that we’d be late for Hope’s performance. With Sarah’s house right around the corner I slightly relaxed… until Roger passed Hawthorne and then the visions of running him over came flooding into my mind.

But Sarah always comes through for me. She always saves the day… she is my super hero! She met us at the car where I nearly threw Nico at her while the car was still moving. In turn, she handed me a mason jar filled to the brim with her signature peartini, complete with an umbrella secured at the top with a rubber band. Seriously, where does this girl come from? I was dropping off my toddler who defines the terrible twos – she’s the one who really needs the peartini!. Yes, she is my own personal super hero!

Needless to say, the rest of the evening went off without a hitch. (You should really try one of her peartinis!)

Sarah took Nico to play with Trey and had a blast watching them slosh through the rain as they got soaked – without a care in the world. They danced, they sang and just had one heck of a good time. She allowed them to be kids – unaffected by a little bit of rain, resolving their own conflicts using fists and words, encouraging song and dance to make the moments memorable all while probably relishing in the fact that she can give him back to me after a few blissful hours (just when he’s good and tired and crabby). But after drying off with a blow dryer (it’s great entertainment for kids… try it!) Nico promptly fell asleep with a bottle in her guest room – exhausted from his play date.

My big sister never ceases to amaze me. She’s always volunteering to help when I have to leave town. The moment I admit I’m overwhelmed she’s at my house to help. When I’m frazzled and running late she knows just how to calm my nerves (with a peartini, of course!). She brings banana cream pie and turtle pie over at a moments notice to celebrate Roger’s b’day. What do I offer in return? Well, um, maybe… uh… I did restock her wine cabinet the other night. I think I’ve done her taxes 2 or 3 times. I always give her my old TVs. Ok, it doesn’t compare to the nurturing she gives me. I suppose it’s just in her nature to dote on me as my big sis. Take note though younger siblings: my nurturing skills are all tapped out with multiple Gronkes so don’t expect too much from me as your nurturing big sis. It seems I haven’t been as blessed in the nurturing department… something I definitely need to work on! Yes, you can even hold me to it now that I’ve admitted to it…

Sarah brought me sunshine amidst a torrential downpour (literally and symbolically). And how appropriate... Hope's dance was titled "Here Comes the Sun". One of life's little coincidences...

Here Comes the Sun

My little superstar performed on the big stage at the Newmark theatre downtown in front of 300+ onlookers, dancing a perfect routine, executing a flawless solo spin, set to the beautiful music “Here Comes the Sun”… I couldn’t be prouder - Hope is my sunshine!

A Big Boy Bed for Our Littlest Babe

I am suddenly finding myself in the midst of an arduous transition, albeit one that suggests some advantages are just around the corner (this finds me fractious nonetheless)… soon enough we will encounter a budding personality, words that clearly convey a child’s needs and less waste filling up our landfills as we progress from disposable diapers to toilet training.

But right now I am mourning the loss of 13+ hours of uninterrupted slumber as our babe soundly slept tucked away in safety of his crib. Moving our babe to a big boy bed was an evolution I have seen coming for some time now. Nico unveiled his ability to climb out of the pac-n-play during a visit to Barb’s earlier this month. Shortly thereafter he put his new found escaping skills to work in his crib. I was eager to make the move to the bed out of fear – worrying he would harm himself on one his less than graceful descents out of the crib.

In my eagerness to rid myself of the last of our baby furniture and make Nico’s sleeping environment fit for the big boy he has become I failed to mentally prepare myself for the bedtime struggle that deep down I knew would undoubtedly ensue.

You see, we have gone from…

Reading books, saying a silent prayer, giving loves, bottles and binkies followed by 13+ hours of blissful sleep…

To…

Hours of encouraging our babe to lie down, demanding he keep the light off and return his toys and other potentially hazardous office supplies back to their rightful place, eventually tightly embracing our babe until he finally succumbs to sleep late into the evening… only to hear him rise in the wee hours of the morning.

Which leaves me exhausted and emotionally drained as I watch my babe struggle to understand his new surroundings, longing for the day he (hopefully) eventually realizes his big boy bed may not confine him but serves the same purpose as did the comforts of his crib.

I wouldn’t trade any of this for the world but when my vision of gently rubbing my sleepy babe’s back as he quietly falls asleep and learns to find comfort in his new bed, instead turn into a late night rendezvous, my patience wears thin. So for now I have resolved to find comfort in knowing this is all temporary – all too soon he’ll be going to bed without even a goodnight cuddle and I will indeed miss these days.

An Elusive Horizon

My much anticipated wait for a drastic reduction in daycare expenses appeared to be looming on the horizon. That ominous horizon was just beginning to shine its light and I could feel myself approaching those glorious rays of sunshine. I was making plans to reinvest in savings and start those obligatory home improvement projects… and I was thrilled to know I would not be riddled with ridiculous monthly payments that make my mortgage look a mere trip to Starbucks. I planned my life and my budget around approaching this glorious horizon as Nico approached the 2 year mark and Hope made her kindergarten debut.

But today I discovered that my budget will continue to suffer and be completely dominated by daycare expenses for at least another year to come. My imminent horizon where I was seeing colorful rainbows and pots of gold suddenly turned into a long windy road filled with ghouls, goblins and evil budget phantoms.

Part time care turns out to be no less expensive than full time care. My frustration with this inequality compels me to have Hope put off kindergarten for a year. If I’m paying for it I might as well use it.

And in order for Nico to maintain consistency with his teachers and classmates he must remain in toddler care for another year. Is he too young to stay home alone?

Perhaps Riley can drop out of school and babysit for a small fee. He’d be the best paid teenager out there so it’s best I not even mention this option or we might just both opt for this plan.

In the end I keep coming back to my reality where excellent and consistent care are of my upmost priorities as a working mother so I will bite the bullet (albeit a bit disgruntled) and offer up one more year of budget sacrifices in order to ensure my children’s well-being and maintain my sanity as I go to work each day.

So now I am praying for peace and wishing for a winning lottery ticket – determined to make the trek up to that glorious horizon eventually despite this unanticipated detour.

I am also taking donations… :)

Meeting In The Middle

Perhaps I am just a tad bit old fashioned… No! Not me… I won’t stand for being old fashioned.

Or

Perhaps I am just a tad bit grumpy… well, that’s all very well and likely – something I must work on.

Or

Perhaps I am just a tad bit jealous… remembering my carefree youth. Oh, the good old days…

Or

Perhaps I am just a mother struggling to offer up some well deserved and age worthy freedom because I am blindly determined to instill a sense of responsibility in my children.

Yes, that is probably... most likely... definitely my justification…

I tiptoed into Riley’s room this morning to say good-bye and strategically place the phone where I could arouse him from his slumber should the need arise.

To my surprise...

And curiosity...

And frustration...

And anger...

I found him with red droopy eyes, still awake playing XBOX with Nick. Pulling an all-nighter and mighty proud of it they were.

Not what I expected as they were stealthy quiet through the evening.

Perplexed that they actually did make it until 8:30 in the morning.

Frustrated that we’re only two days into summer break and dreading that this is what the summer will hold. Games all night and sleeping the day away.

And angry because this all-nighter certainly meant Riley forgot to wear his rubber bands and he’s so close to getting his braces off – simply waiting for those last couple weeks for the teeth to move into final position that can only be secured by constant wearing of woven rubber bands that literally clench his jaw shut.

A few choice words threatening some life long braces compelled me to make an immediate departure to let my emotions settle.

A few deep breaths brought a new perspective.

These boys were safely tucked away in Riley’s room all night which surely meant a day of sleep. A day where I don’t have to wonder where he is and worry about his safety.

The occasional all-nighter is a fond memory that I sporadically divulged in as a teenager.

The boys were respectful of our sleep, whispering and tiptoeing making sure not to arouse us.

Riley hasn’t had his XBOX in over 7 months. He obviously had some serious catching up to do.

I rented the video games – seriously, what did I expect? A teenager who would willingly set the controller down at 10 p.m. to catch a good night’s sleep?? Perhaps I should convey that expectation ahead of time in the future…

Riley will all too soon be departing early each day for football and much of the summer beholds daily doubles which will require at least some sleep each night and encourage self responsibility.

With my emotions settled and the frustration lifted I meandered into work determined not to let anger get the best of me. When Riley rang me on my way home I cheerfully bid him good morning and promised to make him some dinner certain he was famished from his daily slumber.

After a personal pep talk on the remainder of my drive I entered the house to find Riley vacuuming his room, the dishwasher emptied, dished washed and dried, and rubber bands woven all throughout his mouth.

Perhaps we met in the middle on this one… not immediately seeing eye-to-eye but respecting our different roles – Riley, as a teenager, quite simply just enjoying his summer and I, as a parent, just trying to instill responsibility.

I do honestly hope Riley enjoyed his all-nighter. These are the easy days – life only burdens you with more and more responsibility as you get older. I want him to occasionally enjoy these simple pleasures while he can.

In the end I have resolved to encourage Riley to limit his all-nighters so they maintain their element of fun embodied with a proud sense of accomplishment – all while ensuring they do not interfere with the other joys of summer. I am covertly teaching him to be responsible with his freedom but enjoy these years nonetheless.

I have a whole shebang of lessons stocked away to teach my children over the years but I often think that Riley subtly and patiently teaches me more about parenting each day than in any lesson I could offer up to him.

That, my friends, is one of Riley’s many endearing qualities and is just one more reason I love that boy to bits.

A Bit About Our Baby Boy

Baby Bubster (a.k.a. Neekster) is growing up all too fast.

In less than a month we will celebrate his 2nd birthday.

Bubster has no idea he’s not yet even 2… or that he’s our beloved baby boy…

Sometimes he thinks he’s a 5 year old girl…

And sometimes he thinks he’s a 14 year old boy…

But he’s still just our sweet little big baby that we’re a bit reluctant to admit is growing up.

I'm 5... With a 16 Year Old Attitude

My Dearest Mom & Dad,

I know I wasn’t the easiest child in the world to raise but I think you’ll find some satisfaction in knowing that I am raising a daughter with more attitude than the four sisters combined.

And here is a picture to prove it…

I’m terrified of what her teenage years will bring…

Control Freak

I, admittedly, am a control freak. I’m sure I’ve made this admission to many of you over a few glasses of wine sometime in the past… I like my house clean and my children well behaved.

I thrive when organization surrounds me and cleanliness abounds: Bookshelves tidied just so, toy boxes sorted by colors and type, mail filed neatly and hidden out of sight, dishes all washed with a sparkling clean kitchen counter, carpet devoid of debris and laundry washed, dried, and folded tidily in their appropriate dresser drawers.

I relish in the delight of children saying please and thank you, pleasantly requesting my attention to their needs, and playing joyfully with one another, amiably working through disputes.

As I attempted to pick up 5 million pairs of shoes, wash the mountain of dirty breakfast dishes, start my nightly 15 loads of laundry and prepare a nutritious dinner Riley was ignoring my repeated requests to take out our overflowing garbage, Hope was demanding my constant attention and Nico was, of course, wreaking havoc throughout my house: insisting he sweep my kitchen counter (that just so happened to be muddled with fresh vegetables, and other dinner preparations) with my filthy broom, spilling gallons of water all over my kitchen floor, sorting my recyclables all throughout the house, and filling my clogged toilet with every household item he could find – all while trying to fish out a loose piece of floating waste.

I lost it…

My clean, organized house was turning into a war zone and my well behaved children had lost every last bit of their pleasantry and their manners has turned into unruly demands and ear piercing temper tantrums complete with crocodile tears.

I let my emotions get the best of me and (this is just for your pure enjoyment) I slammed cupboards, kicked doors, threw laundry and spanked numerous behinds while crossly threatening an early bed time and loudly conveying my frustration at their behavior.

Admittedly I find it easier to keep my house clean than I do to corral my children’s behavior. My house doesn’t argue and I can see the instant results of my labor after scrubbing a toilet or vacuuming my floors – at least momentarily – until some uses the bathroom or walks through my house with muddy shoes.

But come to think of it now, my house defies me as well as it does repeated get messy and unorganized…

Perhaps I must rethink my priorities and give a bit on those things I feel compelled to control. My house will always be a mess as long as I live with three children and a husband who do not find my same delight in a clean house. But my children’s behavior must be molded and shaped now and the best way to teach them is through example. If I throw a temper tantrum when my vision of a clean house and well behaved children is shattered by reality then why shouldn’t they throw a temper tantrum when they don’t get their way?

Swallowing my pride I apologized to my kids, calmly explaining my frustration but clearly conveying that my frustration was self induced and certainly didn’t excuse my childish behavior. Sometimes I have to admit defeat and focus on what I can control. I have to demonstrate this lesson by example. I have rethink my desire to always have a clean, organized house and refocus my efforts on listening to what my children are trying to tell me. They needed my attention. The dinner and the laundry could wait. A short story or a quick game of b'ball would have most certainly refocused their energy and soothed their demands for attention leaving me the freedom to get dinner on the table and at least make a small dent in the mountain of laundry.

My vision of a clean house with a nutritious dinner on the table and children waiting patiently was clouded by reality and I was losing control (and not very gracefully mind you).

So now I am admittedly a control freak in therapy (blogging therapy that is)… learning little by little to give up some control, modify my desires and focus on the momentary needs of my children that mean so much more than a clean house -and will hopefully provide much longer lasting results as they learn to conjure up realistic expectations, be flexible in their desires and control their emotions when reality alters their vision.

My proposed solution to all of this: my housekeeper should visit more often.

But… my reality in all of this: my house will always be messy…

However… my hope in all of this: eventually my children will thrive on the extra attention and be molded by my (more) appropriate behavior.

And... my wish in all of this: my children will learn to become neat freaks regardless...

Cut Off From The Outside World

Over Memorial Day weekend I found myself 100 miles from home, relaxing in a beach house with an ocean front view… with no cell phone service. A much needed break from reality. After weeks of speculating about our jobs we now remain employed… but the anticipated news was bittersweet. While we can go on living our lives just as we have always done we said good bye to many friends and colleagues… their worlds have been turned upside down. It just doesn’t seem fair to celebrate our news with so many now out of work.

But this weekend was not about us… this weekend was all about our baby girl who is turning 5 all too soon. With the news of our continued employment we booked a last minute beach house for our annual trip to the coast to celebrate Hope’s birthday in true conventional Gronke style. Hope has declared a trip to coast on Memorial Day weekend a family tradition – all in honor of her special day. With no reason to alter this custom we were off to the beach house. We were cut off from the outside world… where we were able to enjoy some unusually sunny weather at the beach, watch some coveted cable TV (hours of Discovery Health, Jon & Kate + 8, and HGTV) and give thanks for all we have been blessed with.

We were mildly surprised (and I’d be lying if I said we weren’t somewhat disappointed) Nico learned he can to climb out of his pac-n-play and make his way down a steep set of stairs to proudly crash our quiet adult evenings, announcing his arrival with a giggle as he says “Hi”, and then mumble some blubbering that can only be translated into his description of his new found skill that includes scaling his pac-n-play (that is undoubtedly so proud of). I guess a big boy bed will be on order soon in our household.

I’m a bit sad to find my baby growing up so fast. And I’m always a tad bit sad say good bye to the safety and comfort that a confined baby in a crib brings me… a sleeping baby within the confined crib rails bring me a sense of peace and comfort knowing that they are safe and sound and ensures me at least a few minutes of “me time” or a sound nights sleep where I know my babe will not get into trouble, fall out of bed, or wander around confused or lost. But in the end I am excited to embark on this new phase that also signals the nearing end of diapers, binkies and bottles.

But I must admit… I am not enthralled with the idea of taking away the deep comforts that a simple binky or bottle brings my babe so I will focus on the big boy bed for now… we’ll work on ridding our lives of diapers sometime in the near future and we’ll leave the binkies and bottles for the time being. We’ll alter his comfortable little world one luxury at a time.

These are just a few of the memories from Hope’s 5 year old beach trip that we will cherish…

To view many, many more photos of the Gronke’s in isolation (isolation from computers and cell phones but thankfully there was cable TV…and I remembered my camera!) click here.

It's a... GIRL!!

Five years ago I spent a quiet evening sitting out on my deck, sipping a coveted glass of red wine, pleasantly calm knowing that I was so close to being relieved of my waiting… and waiting… and waiting…

You could almost say it was the calm before the storm. The calm before Baby Girl joined our family and brought with her a whirlwind of joy, a sea of musical talents, a flock of fashionable dresses and beautiful bows, a rainfall of all things completely girly all donned in pink and purple, the confidence that humbles us all, and an attitude that makes you wonder where she came from.

But she is ours and we couldn’t be happier. Our Baby Girl – our pleasant surprise. The baby we all were convinced was a boy – our girl who came into this world swearing off pants and adorably donning gorgeous dresses, frilly accessories and beautiful silky blonde hair – our girl… our Hope!

And our Baby Girl just turned 5! Five years ago I was awaiting her much anticipated LATE arrival. This year one the eve of Hope’s birthday I sat on my deck, sipping a glass of red wine, relishing in the all the joys Baby Girl has brought us, wondering where the time has gone, reminiscing about Hope’s life and thanking God for our special girl.

I can’t believe this baby…

May 27, 2005

May 27, 2006

May 27, 2007

May 27, 2008

Has grown up into this BIG girl!

May 27, 2009

The Waiting is ALMOST Over...

I am still employed.

And I am mostly happy about that! The initial thrill has settled into mild frustration given all the changes in the organization and the increased workload. But true to my nature I will not become permenantly disgruntled... momentary pity parties will suffice and get me through these trials with the end goal in mind - I will remain thankful to be employed and I will continue to relish in the perks of my employment in attempt to maintain my perpetual happiness.

However, the waiting game is still on when it comes to my blog. I have written nearly 20 posts in my head over the last two weeks and drafted approximately 10 of those but with the absense of ample time I have not yet perfected a post worth publishing.

So, please be patient... the waiting for many more posts of fun-filled, real life, highs and lows, serious and hilarious happenings in the Gronke household is almost over...