Clinging to a small thread of hope and acting on desperate despair as I worried about my hectic work schedule this week, I sent Hope to school in spite of a sudden suspicious red, blood shot eye this morning.
Hope immediately went into drama mode when I mentioned her eye looked suspect, declaring that she must stay home and rest or she could infect her friends with this deadly disease. (This girl just may be on TV someday with her perfected acting skills and persuasion tactics). But I am not a casting agent so I dug up some seriously expired eye drops and sent her on her way… periodically checking my phone for that dreaded phone call that would deem her too contagious to stay in school.
The anticipated phone call came eventually but to my surprise Hope was in the nurse’s office complaining of an ear ache. The nurse assured me that Hope didn’t have a fever and thought her sudden symptoms may be a byproduct of an argument that ensued during a group project where Hope got her feelings hurt for some accusations of cheating while playing a game. Yes, yes… this sounded about right and just something that only Hope would dream up to come home early. Being St. Patrick’s day the nurse asked Hope if she really needed to go home or if she thought she could stay through the assembly where some special dancers would be performing. Of course, Hope responded that she wasn’t really that sick and would like to stay to see the performance. We chalked it up to her extensive theatrical skills but wanting to demonstrate that I am a caring parent I offered to pick her up after school instead of sending her to dance.
After school I had a brief chat with her teacher about the “cheating incident” and we were on our way. I sent Hope to bed to rest reiterating that if we are sick we don’t watch movies or play – we have to rest. Tears ensued but I persisted. This was not going to be a special stay home day that Hope thoroughly enjoyed because that would only set a precedent for disastrous things to come.
Well, the forced tears turned into something more along the lines of agonizing pain and I had to rethink my previous policies. I threatened a visit to the doctor thinking surely this would produce the truth of an ill conceived plan to stay home. The only response I received was eager willingness to cooperate with any plans to relieve an aching ear.
I pondered my options… make the trek to the doctor and pay the $20 to have them tell me nothing is wrong or risk a midnight visit to the ER if Hope’s theatrics turned out to be legitimate suffering. I reluctantly decided on a quick visit to the doctor to eradicate any lingering question of my parenting abilities.
Hope was diagnosed with a double ear infection and an eye infection. To Hope’s delight the doctor suggested we keep her home on Thursday, at least until the eye infection was cleared up.
I momentarily felt a bit of guilt for doubting my girl and I turned my attention to apologizing for my lack of sensitivity and promising to see to it that she is comfortable and coddled until her health returns in full form.
I admit defeat on the ear and eye infection – my doubts about any illnesses were shrouded by Hope’s ability to manipulate and skillfully act and I was just plain wrong in my diagnoses this time… but as I watched Hope run through the house tonight playing gleefully as she destroyed our house and tortured her brothers I decided she was cured enough to return to school in the morning.
Unfortunately Hope’s intimidating aura came back to haunt me as she is fully aware that she has the upper hand in this debate. She has it stuck in her head and on the tip of her tongue that she is not allowed to go to school tomorrow because she could infect her friends. Should I protest and insist she is well enough to go to school she will certainly make it known to all that she has an eye infection and she’s not supposed to be at school (but her mean, heartless mom made her attend anyway) and I will undoubtedly get that call that will make me question my ability to parent this smart little cookie.
Hope wins this battle…
I have lost any chance of running for the Mom of the Year Award and I am feeling inadequate enough to nominate myself to the Worst Mom of the Year Award.
And I am afraid to admit that this is only the tip of the iceberg... how in the world can such a small innocent human being cause me to question so much of what I believe and shatter my confidence as a parent so easily?
