I have a lot to marvel at... over a few glasses of wine... in the midst of the midnight hour...

Monday, May 18, 2009

Waiting Not So Patiently...

I'm just playing the waiting game.

Waiting to see what my professional future beholds...

And waiting stinks!

My patience is waning...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Have I Been Bamboozled?

Beyond blessed, I am... to bring you these beautiful babes...



All with baby blues, some beaming with bravery.

All buoyant and bubbly, two besotted with their baby brother.

All bring brightness to our abode, some bring boisterous behavior.

All blithe and full of bliss, one a beautiful blonde.

One too big to be dubbed my little babe, one still obsessed with his binky and bottle.

None bound by borders, all share an unbreakable bond.

All beautiful, All blessed, All my babes!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Lesson Remembered as we Embark on a New Journey

In 4 short months we will embark on a new journey. We will begin a new phase of our lives. A new phase that signals our babies are growing up. A phase that the children will simply see as a rite of passage. They will jump into their new roles full of anticipation and high expectations - all with only the slightest bit of hesitation - because they are very independent.

In 4 short months we will send our sweet first born off to high school. And in 4 short months we will send our only girl, our self proclaimed princess, off to kindergarten.

Hope will begin her thirteen year journey of public school education and for Riley high school is the beginning of the end – his last four years of public schooling.

High school means girls will be more prevalent in Riley’s life. It means Riley will learn to drive. I suspect high school will bring late night parties and worrisome nights as I wait up for Riley to come home safe and sound.

Kindergarten will result in new found friendships for Hope. She will learn to read; she will learn about the intricacies of our world; she will learn to live vicariously through fictional characters; and she will finally have her own homework to complete at night.

I have spent countless hours struggling with this impending shift - this phase that finds me sending my independent children off to new schools. Embarking on this journey also finds me battling my desire to shelter my children from suffering - the failed friendships, disappointing mistakes, hard lessons learned, all the cruelness of the real world – but I am reminded of my role as a mother and this new phase brings me back to a lesson I learned when Riley was only 9 months old... a lesson that has changed my perspective and molded my role as a parent of highly independent children who are bound and determined to do things their own way and learn life’s lessons through their own mistakes.

But before I speak of this lesson I must momentarily digress…

I would tell you that having a child in high school makes me feel really, really old… but I would only be lying. When most people first learn that I have a 14 year old their response is always the same: Wide eyes, a clarifying question – "did you mean 14 months or 14 years", followed by a gasp – "oh my goodness, you can’t be old enough to have a teenager! Is he yours or is he a step son?" And finally – "you must have had him when you were 12." Let’s see, apparently that means I look 26. I’ll take that compliment and yes, it makes me very proud to be the mother of a 14 year old and it’s a little thrilling to know I don’t look old enough to play that role.

But I do play that role and I do have a teenager entering high school. And my baby girl is going to kindergarten. As I sat on the bus with Hope at kindergarten orientation (yes, we got to ride the bus together!) listening to her repeatedly ask “How many more days until I can ride this bus by myself?”, I reminisced on Riley’s first day of school and remembered how desperately he wanted to ride the big yellow bus. (Again, I digress in a memory…)

I did not want Riley to ride the bus!

I mean, after all, there were… 5th graders on the bus and having only one child who was only 6, 5th graders seemed like giant alien creatures that could (and probably would, I concluded in my worst case scenario consideration) bully my baby. But Riley persisted… and that led me to only one conclusion. Riley could ride the bus – and I would ride it with him.

We proudly walked to the bus stop on the first day of school – full of anticipation. The big yellow bus approached and Riley raced for the bus without looking back. I followed, only to have the bus driver shut the door on me… He cracked open the door just enough for me to hear him stammer “Um, we’re not allowed to let parents ride the bus.” He was obviously perplexed and was most likely contemplating calling the police. I pleaded my case but he became slightly agitated at my persistence (and the door was slowly creeping to a close as I begged) so I backed off in defeat and ran to my car bawling.

I followed the bus all the way to school (all of one mile, mind you…) and jumped out of my car to meet Riley as he descended the steps of the bus. He was mildly horrified at my reappearance (after thinking he ditched me on the bus) but at least he wasn’t agitated and had no means to call the police so I proceeded to walk him into school, kiss him goodbye and wish him luck. I returned to my car bawling once again. My baby was all grown up, independent and going off to 1st grade - I was not dealing with it well.

Now Riley is off to high school – the idea of riding the bus with him has crossed my mind once again. But he’s even more independent now – he doesn’t need me to fight his battles or shelter him from pain any more or any less now than he did in first grade.

That’s not my job. But this is my lesson.

(Finally! – the lesson – hoping I didn’t lose you all in my reminiscing).

It breaks the innermost part of my heart to see my children suffer any kind of physical or emotional pain. As difficult as it may be it is not my job to shelter them from the pain in this world because then I would be sheltering them from the inevitable. Pain and Suffering are a reality of this world.

It is my job to teach them safety, provide them with unconditional love and support when they suffer and guide them through the healing process – providing the foundation and preparation that children need to learn to deal with the reality of pain and suffering.

When Riley was just a babe (oh so long ago) I left him with my Mom as I set off for Portland to find an apartment where we would begin our new life on the West Coast. As I kissed him goodbye and fought back tears (I hadn’t left Riley for more than a few hours before this point) I begged my Mom not to let him get even the tiniest scratch or shed a tear while I was away. The thought of my baby hurt broke my heart. But my Mom gently responded by reminding me that Riley was a crawling (and attempting to walk) toddler who was constantly falling – as the many bumps and bruises already on his body foretold. While she promised to keep him safe she reminded me that bumps and bruises were inevitable but she promised to hold him tight and love him when he stumbled.

On my long drive to Portland I had ample time to contemplate those words and my Mom’s simple response to my fear of pain and suffering is where I learned the difference between sheltering my children from inevitable physical or emotional pain - and loving, supporting and guiding them through the reality of suffering.

So as Hope goes off to kindergarten pleading to ride the bus I will resume my routine of following the school bus. And as Riley embarks on his high school journey I will anxiously await his late arrival – thankful for cell phones! And I will be prepared to surround them both with love and support when they encounter difficulties as they embark on this new journey - my independent children will undoubtably flourish in their new environments and thoroughly enjoy the journey despite the inevitable dissappointments along the way.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day...

To my Mother who gave me life and the guidance to live my life fulfilled.

To my sister Sarah, a mother who so graciously celebrates all of us on Mother's Day.

To my sister Janet, a mother to two handsome young fellas.

To my sister Barb, a mother anxiously awaiting the birth of her unborn baby.

To my WI Mother who wholeheartedly took me in as one of her own.

To my dear friend Heather who is relishing those special moments with her new baby girl.

To my dear friend Elizabeth, who is so gracefully raising four amazing children.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who have provided your unconditional love, guidance, support and friendship that helped shape me into the Mother I am today.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Baby Blues

Perhaps I am a bit partial but I LOVE blue eyes...

Seriously, are these not beautiful baby blues??? I am simply in love with the baby blues in the Gronke household!!





All different shades of blue, all different shapes, all different stories... all unique... all beautiful baby blues.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Pearly Whites and Speckled Skin

Two weeks ago our littlest Handsome went through a very cranky phase... crying and whining all the time. Ok, maybe it only felt like all the time but he was certainly persistent with his griping. We wondered how my poor Mother would deal with him when we left for our long weekend trip to Madison.

Nico loves the outdoors and on this particularly emotional day he was begging to go outside. We let him out in the back yard hoping some sunshine would be the cure for his crankiness and of course, he wanted back in. In and out, in and out - we did this forever. So, I did what every sane Mother would do... I grabbed the camera for a little blackmail later in life..


But in the end this face melted my heart so we went in and out 100 more times before we called it a day.

To our utter delight we returned from Madison to find Nico in his usual high spirits, finding disaster and destruction a hilarity, complete with a devilish giggle when caught in one of his detrimental acts. It appears that our littlest handsome sprouted two brand new pearly white molars on the bottom while we were away - explaining his whining spell shortly before our departure. If you check out the picture above (yes, the one I plan to blackmail him with later in life) you will see he only has one molar on each bottom side of his mouth. He now has two molars on each side.
And just because this is how Nico does things, he developed a nasty rash all over his arms and legs after sprouting these new teeth... We'll see if daycare buys the "teething" justification for his latest speckled skin.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Where is Summer? (Because Homework Sucks!)

I, for one, cannot wait for summer – it simply cannot get here fast enough... while all of you reading this probably just thought to yourselves: yes, I can’t wait for the sun, the heat, sandals and tank tops, dinners out on the patio, kids splashing in the back pool, camping on weekends, and so on… I was actually longing for summer break… a summer break from homework!

The brief glimpses of sunshine the peak through the clouds on and off these days signal a much anticipated break from the grueling 8th grade homework routine. I have spring fever! (and this is certainly not brought on by the warmth of spring sunshine because there isn’t any of that in Oregon yet).

I recently learned (possibly relearned) all about natural selection (well, ok – I attempted to understand natural selection but honestly, it was a bit over my head. Science never was my strong suit). I searched the internet, reading for hours. I helped Riley piece together an inquiry lab (complete with a hypothesis, investigation, analysis and conclusion) all the while still not really understanding natural selection. I’m sure I learned about natural selection in middle school and then promptly destroyed those brain cells in high school and haven’t heard the term natural selection since then.

I’m tired of being an assistant producer developing creations that are continually critiqued. I am tired of helping create alliteration worthy of publishing on my blog (which I shall publish here) only to have the teacher comment that she doesn’t understand it. (I don’t take rejection well – I handled this about as well as I did when I found I wasn’t a Hot Girl!) So here it goes… one poem on alliteration (this was my mastermind) and one with rhythm (the sole work of Riley) - you be the judge! I may be a bit biased but I adore his poetry and despite his grade will keep it close by me… forever!

Bouncing Basketballs
Bouncing basketballs bring buddies
Together for a brilliant battle of the best.
To bank a brazen basket
Beyond the big blockade
Begins the battle of the buds
To bequest the best to bliss.
A bolt, a blitz and a basket
Brings the best a bonus boast
And a bummer for the buds
Who broke down in the brutal brawl.

So You’ve Never…
So you’ve never played basketball.
Well, let me teach you how.
I’ll teach you how to dribble
With your hands of right and left.
Next I’ll teach you how to shoot –
How to use one hand to set.
And use a 45 degree angle
To help you make all your shots.
You’re set to learn even more now,
So perhaps some awesome tricks.

I am not grumbling about what they teach 8th graders these days. It’s all pertinent information that gives our kids a core foundation and allows them to choose their interests and ultimately their career paths in life. And Riley has some incredibly talented teachers that take a genuine interest in his personal education – taking the time to understand what makes Riley tick – focusing on his strengths, developing his weaknesses, and thoroughly enjoying Riley’s sweet personality. It’s just a bit overwhelming relearning everything again – 20 years later! I didn’t like science the first time around and I certainly don’t like it any better the second time around. Parents have to be the smartest people in the world because they go through school twice (or three of four times if they have kids that are 10 years apart!)

But I persist, because it’s important for Riley to have a broad knowledge base as he enters the real world. And who knows… maybe he’ll grow up to be a surgeon or a scientist that finds a cure for a rare cancer – and those both sound like careers where you might just need to know a little bit about natural selection. And as it turns out I have discovered that I am a bit fond of alliteration so Riley will at least be aware of the proper term as I continually find ways to weave this journalism art into my blog (Midnight Marvel, Nighttime Notes, etc.)

And I’m not about to let Riley get a case of Spring fever, so for six more weeks I will chug along writing poetry, focusing on alliteration, typing papers at midnight, learning about US History (boring!), going cross-eyes looking at algebra, and struggling to comprehend the wonders of science... right alongside Riley.

Then, and only then, we will finally bask in the sun’s rays, wearing sandals and tank tops, eating dinners on the deck, watching the kids swim in the pool, camping on the weekends – all without a single thought about what homework challenges 9th grade will bring us.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Not to be Forgotten

In the spirit of recognizing everyone who contributied to our vacation and assisted us in making lasting memories I must send a thanks to all those who were recipients of our repeated serenades, singing a beautiful rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart!

I hope you enjoyed the trip down memory lane as much as we did!