Have I Failed You Miserably?

That is the age old question that haunts all great parents…

As we opted to forego college or fail miserably at it, as I brought a child into this world when I was probably much too young and naïve, when my mother had to write papers for me when I eventually did go to college, when my Dad had to bail me out financially before I learned about fiscal responsibility…Through all this I watched my parents reluctantly let go of their dreams for us all and support our own happiness, allowing our own dreams to flourish. I watched them reinvent their wishes for their grown children as they turned to hoping for individual happiness for us all – despite the different paths we all desired.

The success of this outlook is ever present today. My parents never once gave up on us and they embrace us all with loving open arms regardless of our quirks, the choices we have made, or the challenges we have faced. They are genuinely interested in our success – where we all now define success as happiness.

They like the distance but they love us more… desiring to be a part of our lives without interfering. In my mother’s own words, “…I read your blogs and realize you must have garnered smatterings of wisdom, despite our utter lack of wisdom. We had nothing but unadulterated love for you all, young, stupid, and only desperately in love with our daughters with no insight whatsoever, no internet, no cell phones, no iPods, just four beauties dropped in our laps to love and adore.”

My role with my own children is not an exact replica of my parent’s role. This is an entirely different era, Riley is not exactly like any one of us four girls (although Hope shows signs that she may just turn out to be exactly like Sarah), and I am not my mother. But my parents taught me the most important lessons in life – a foundation that I strive to teach my own children. They taught me about unconditional love, how to learn from my mistakes and move on, and how to be happy. With the birth of my first babe I quickly understood how my much my parents loved me and as I grew into an adult I learned that their love remains constant despite the years and the distance.

I don’t yet know what my children will become. I don’t know where their choices will lead them or what path they’ll choose to follow. I don’t yet know what all their dreams entail. But I want my children to know that I love them unconditionally despite my many mistakes throughout their youth. I want to see them fulfilled and happy. I want to delight in their laughter always. I want them to follow their hearts wherever it may lead them. I want them to know that they all hold my heart in their hands and “I am hopelessly in love with them all, slave to their wishes, deep in prayer for their hopes, and utterly joyous that, undeserving, they are mine”!

This is what my parents taught me.

This is exactly how they feel about all four of their own girls.

And this is precisely what I want to impart on my own children…

…my own children whose paths my already be determined but are unknown to us earthly inhabitants… whose choices will undoubtedly bring pain or sorrow at times but will hopefully find them right back amidst the firm foundation of love and happiness that has been passed from my parents to me, and from me on to my own children. And I am committed to embracing each child’s uniqueness, supporting their own dreams and loving them with all my heart…

This same gift my parents have given me and my three sisters. No mistake or flaw as parents could overshadow this commitment or undermine their love.

My parents have not ever failed me despite our occasional quarrels, minor miscommunications, some frustrating teenage years, different paths in life, conflicting opinions, etc. They embrace me for ME. And I love them for who they are.

My children will undoubtedly encounter a phase where they focus on my flaws as their mother. But I hope it’s brief and I hope they find a way to love me through it all and realize that they are my whole world – they hold my heart in their hands.

Otherwise I will have failed miserably…