My Mental Madness

Here is a recap of a typical summer day which should explain some of my mental madness.

I try desperately to arouse a sleepy teenager for football without reducing myself to threats (which we both know hold very little truth). I begin to dread the upcoming school year which requires Riley up at 6:00 a.m. for a bright and early 7:00 a.m. start. I realize I haven’t even seen the worst of this early morning routine yet. I ponder my options – allowing Riley to be late for school over and over until he finally figures out he won’t pass his freshman year by arriving two hours late every day… withholding his allowance if I have to enter his room more than twice to get him out of bed and in the shower… resigning myself to the fact that regardless this is going to be a continuous battle… and worse, realizing that I will also have to awake at the crack of dawn now and finding myself really dreading this school year altogether.

We argue over when football starts – Riley desperately trying to sneak in a few more moments of sleep while my blood begins to boil, rapidly raising my blood pressure… I have rearranged my entire work routine all summer, meticulously monitoring the ever changing football practice schedule, driving to and from work all through out the day minimizing the times Riley has to walk – all because I feel guilty that he has to walk home after 4 hours of football only to turn around again in a few short hours for his next round of daily doubles.

Yet my expertise on the practice schedule has been questioned and I no longer feel guilty but rather encouraged by the thought of actually working a full 8 hours without interruption as I resolve to make Riley find his own transportation to and from football. My guilt suddenly subsided when my expertise was doubted and I no longer feel obligated to give him a ride.

But as I drop Riley off at football (hopefully for the last time) he thanks me for the ride and then begins to chat a bit while he waits for others to arrive. He asks me if I have to stay home today with Hope because of his practice. I do (he watches Hope on Fridays except when he has practice) and he asks if he can watch her in the afternoon for me so I can get some work done.

My guilt surrounding his intense football schedule quickly returns – pumping adoration through my heart and clouding my better judgment. Ahhh, what a sweet teenager I have. I will at least see that he gets a ride home today and then I will reconsider cutting off my generosity should another early morning argument ensue.