Invisible Boundaries

“High school is SO much better than middle school”, proclaimed Riley one recent evening while we were feverishly preparing a late dinner.

Curious to know everything about my firstborn’s new world, but cautious not to reveal my all knowing desire, I nonchalantly asked what made this leap to high school so grand.

A devious grin and an all knowing nod from Roger revealed the secret pleasures of entering high school… a school full of older and hotter girls!

A simple smile of my own could not be contained.

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With the first school dance right around the corner Riley is contemplating taking a date to Homecoming… or perhaps he will simply go with all his friends. I am dying to know what he decides but practicing patience and feigning only minimal interest.

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The first football game of the season resulted in disappointment and anger. Although the tears were kept at bay his gym bag did fly across the room once he entered the emotional sanctuary of his own home. Four months of daily practice and conditioning and tireless effort found Riley (and many other players) on the sidelines most of the game, despite the 12-6 win.

No lectures on life and fairness escaped my lips. A simple back rub, a special dinner in bed and an “I’m so sorry” proved to be the right remedy to get him back up and motivated to play. He was back on the field and played in Game 2 (another win) – the first game’s disappointment almost forgotten.
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These high school moments I cherish – a glimpse inside Riley’s teenage life. This life I am responsible for, a life I love more than life itself, a life that holds my heart in his hands each time my firstborn walks out my front door.

I can, no longer, remedy Riley’s hurt feelings with a phone call to a parent or a coach. He no longer needs me to follow the bus or even see that he gets to school on time. It would not behoove me to attend homecoming with Riley and his friends. And I have been banned from running out on the field should Riley get hurt in a game.

In this new world I battle my longing to lead and control a life that is not mine; but this is a life that I played a large part in creating. Hence, my desire to cross over that invisible boundary – that blurry line drawn in the sky – the line that denotes where my control ceases and Riley’s choices dominate – a line mottled with guidance and wisdom, rights and wrongs, rules and boundaries, and an abundance of love and acceptance. But a line nevertheless, that binds my control and opens the door for Riley to define his path in life, express his own desires, challenge his own independence, and define his own identity.

So I treasure those moments where I am invited into this convoluted teenage world but I am careful not to intervene beyond this invisible boundary when unecessary. I walk this line, this invisible boundary, with caution: I offer guidance, support, friendship, love and acceptance and I offer the freedom to live your life to the fullest.

Welcome to high school!