No Chance

I had a favorite pair of underwear… a timeless classic that had served its duty well. They were pink, cotton and unbelievably comfortable (a rare find for those with a well rounded derrière).

They just so happen to say “NO CHANCE” across the buttocks, which I found hysterical and made them all that more enjoyable to wear…

Despite their perfect fit and highly amusing implications the days were numbered for this beloved pair of underwear.

No, they have not exactly reached their natural end of life – they are not starting to unravel.

My butt has not expanded… at least not that I’m undeniably aware of.

Hope learned how to read…

After countless questions as to the meaning of this message displayed across my behind (that I unsuccessfully dodged) Hope proclaimed her desire to obtain her own pair of “no chance” panties.

I can only imagine the countless teachers, day care workers, students, friends, parents, store clerks, etc. that now know I own this pair of underwear.

I’m currently trying to dissuade her from asking Santa for this particular gift.

Aren’t kids supposed to wait until first grade to read things like that??

Perhaps I should not have been prancing around in my underwear…

Either way, I must retire this old favorite and trust that this memory is deemed insignificant, easily forgotten and is not later readily recalled (to Hope’s horror) and reminisced about (to my utter dismay) 20 years down the road at a family gathering…

There is no chance of that happening, right?